rhys's birthday - brennen's part

brennen was so impressive that i decided not to include him much in my earlier posts, but dedicate an entire post to just him.


pregnancy

unfortunately, due to his absolutely terrible school schedule (sometimes staying on campus all night long to study) and my pride at accepting help, he didn't actually do much during my pregnancy. when he was home, he would have done more, but i often turned down his help. i had a relatively easy pregnancy, and i felt like accepting help was somehow a lie saying that my pregnancy knocked me down and i NEEDED help, which i didn't NEED. someday, i'll learn to accept help just because people love me and want to, but that day didn't happen when i was pregnant!

because he was gone so much, i was actually nervous for him to be at the birth. (i'm a weirdo...) i took classes, made birth plans, wrote out to-do lists (one even for brennen, but he never read it!), did extensive research on pretty much every pregnancy/parenting issue; none of which brennen was able to participate in. this made me feel like we weren't on the same page and that he would be better off in a corner instead of participating when i went into labor.

i repeat... i'm a weirdo and was terribly wrong!


early labor

when i first started having contractions (while taking a bath at home), brennen noticed something was wrong, but he didn't think it was like it was the day before. unfortunately, he knows he has a very prideful wife and that he wasn't going to be able to convince me of anything. he kept asking how i was, all through the bath, through the drive to our friends' house, and even while at our friends' house.

after i finally realized that i should be taking these contractions seriously and announced to brennen and our friends that i needed to go home that very minute, the smile on brennen's face was one of the happiest i'd ever seen. even that smile seemed so supportive to me.

he walked me to the car and got my door, which he always does, but it felt slightly more caring! as we were driving home, he let me dictate the radio station we listened to. he told jokes and made me laugh. he was just so happy.

when we got home, he filled the tub so that i could be comfortable. too bad we were both wrong in thinking that being in water would make me comfortable! during that time, he also texted and called the doula and kept her updated. he also called the midwife and the clinic the midwife works from, and their emergency line, and he did everything that he and i could think of to try to get a hold of her.

he kept trying to joke with me, but somewhere at this time, i lost my sense of humor. he noticed and stopped joking with me.

he was very good about running around trying to get the last minute things ready. before i got in the tub, i was doing some of this myself, as i knew what was missing from our hospital bags and had been prepping my head on the way home to know what to get. he put together a bunch of wonderful snacks for me to eat while i was at the hospital. i feel bad that i didn't eat them, because he did such a great job!

he got extra pillows, he put the car seat in the car, took all of our stuff out to the car; etc.

one of the cutest things he did was go to the closet to try to pick out an outfit for me to wear to the hospital! i really appreciated that, even though i had already determined what i was going to wear.

i used an ipad app to time contractions. he did a good job of pressing start and stop when he was on duty. we had to take turns depending on what was happening.

he gave me a beautiful blessing before we went to the hospital, and then we were on our way. the ride went well. i think Heavenly Father decided to bless that trip, because my contractions were actually further apart than they had been (which also scared me back into thinking that i was having braxton hicks and was going to get sent home..). having contractions while sitting in the car was not a fun experience! anyway, brennen did a great job trying to minimize the bumps as we traveled. he was also appropriately upset at the number of stop signs on the way to the hospital!


labor at the hospital

we pulled up to the hospital, and we left the vehicle right outside the front door (with permission from security) while we went to get me checked in.

a few generals:

i know that throughout the process he handled all the paperwork, which was beyond nice. i'm pretty sure i wouldn't have been able to even read after a while!

he was very present for me. he was holding my hands (or as close as he could, since the nurses messed my hands up with the iv access), kissing me gently, telling me he was proud of me and that i could do it. i told him throughout my entire pregnancy that he could leave to eat if he needed or he could take a nap without me getting upset. he didn't take me up on my offer.

after i got in the room and robed up, brennen went back to park the car and bring our stuff in.

shortly after he got back from the car, the doula arrived. at that point, i was on my feet rocking side to side during contractions. she had me hold on to brennen's neck as he held on to my sides. it was basically me in an ugly dress at a jr high dance! he was such a good sport always doing what the doula said.

one particularly wonderful memory of brennen happened when i was in the tub and the lady in the room next to me was screaming bloody murder. i asked for him to get my speaker and play me some music. he played the most awesome playlist. i only remember "1000 years" by christina perry, though. i wish i remembered more. i think he played howie day's "collide," as that's the song we danced to at our wedding, and i think he played some dashboard confessional. i just know that we sang in harmony during "1000 years." brennen's voice was the most beautiful to me at that time. (i did take a singing break in the middle of the song while having a contraction, though!) i will probably associate that song with the birth of my son for the rest of my life. (most likely because i'll probably make a slide show of pictures and that will be the song!) for real, though, that was beyond a special moment. in fact, it felt sacred. i was the most at peace during that time.

i recently spoke with my doula. i don't remember this, but i guess brennen also poured water over my back while i was in the tub. again, i don't remember this, but it sounds like something really nice!!

as i mentioned before, i was very vocal throughout my labor as it helped me breathe and focus. (brennen will attest to the fact that it wasn't an out of control yelling vocal, just a low pitched focused moan type thing, if you will.) this made my throat so sore. after i got out of the tub, the doula gave me a gatorade. brennen would just magically show up with the gatorade in hand and make me drink through a straw. i couldn't ask for it myself, so it was awesome how attentive he was. that gatorade was a life saver.

so there weren't too many specifics for how he helped during the labor at the hospital, but i knew that he was there for me, and that in and of itself was so helpful. if you know anything about the love languages, i'm a "words of affirmation" person and a "physical touch" person, so every time he told me that he loved me or was proud of me, or held my hand, or rubbed my back, it was very motivating and very powerful for me.


post partum

there wasn't much for him to do support wise after little rhys came, but since he's come, brennen has been very willing to help. he loves his son very much. he holds him, and changes him, and teaches rhys's mother how to do things! (ha ha... i had no idea how to put clothes on or take clothes off of a newborn, or how to change a diaper)

again, my pre-labor thoughts that brennen wouldn't be useful at all during labor were very very wrong. i am so grateful that i married that man i married. i'm so grateful that it's his son that i was able to carry and bring into the world. i'm so glad that we are parents together and that we will be the team raising our children. i couldn't ask for a better partner.