rhys's birthday - lds hospital and my doula

as the midwife was out of reach and we never did contact her, i relied on my doula and the lds hospital staff.

lds hospital staff

i will say that i was a little nervous about birthing in a hospital. i've watched too many documentaries on child birth in america and talked to too many people about all the worse case scenarios. however, the staff at lds hospital were great and i had a wonderful experience.

i do think that part of the reason i had a great experience there was that i came with a birth plan and a doula and a husband who were going to make sure i got what i wanted. that being said, i don't think they had to fight too hard to get what i wanted done.

the only thing that i hated about the hospital that i wouldn't have had to deal with at a birth center or a home birth were those blasted monitors. i just can't explain how badly i hated them. i get why they were necessary, but at the same time, i talked to my midwife this week and she told me that they weren't in fact necessary, and that everything we needed to know could have been recorded with the doppler monitor which wouldn't have been strapped to me.

my nurse during the labor was named angie. i think angie is an angel! (except for the monitors, but she was just doing what the hospital told her she had to.) she was so kind and nice, she waited when i was contracting and just ignoring her, she got out of the way to let claire do what she needed to do. when i was pushing, it was angie who gave me the queue that really allowed me to open my body up to what it needed to do.

angie also told me that we could get the doctor but that he would want me to push as soon as he got in, or i could continue to slowly move my son down the birth path the way i had been. i was happy that she gave me an honest expectation of what would happen. i chose to keep going the way i had been, as i didn't want to tear and i felt like moving him slowly down the birth path would allow my tissue more time to stretch. i'm not sure if it worked or not, but considering that i didn't tear... i feel good about it!

the doula

for those of you who don't know, a doula is a labor support professional. a doula is mostly there to help the mother cope with labor, and to ensure that she gets the experience she wants. she acts as a middle man between the mother and the medical service providors.

before i was even showing that i was pregnant, i fell in love with claire. she was highly recommended by my midwife. my midwife told me to call her right away because she gets booked way out very quickly. i was glad that i listened to her.

i met her before i was even 20 weeks pregnant. i'm not sure exactly when, though. she was so attentive to me and made me feel special and capable. she had such a calming and in control demeanor, all in a cute little package. i couldn't imagine that other characteristics in a doula could provide better service to me, and i chose her immediately without meeting with other doulas.

some very special things about claire:

• she doesn't just provide labor support, but she is a registered nurse as well, so she's very well trained in how the body works
• she is a certified hypno therapist (although this didn't end up helping me at all)
• she has attended over 2000 births over the course of her career

claire was a vital part of my experience. essential oils would just show up in front of my nose during contractions. i'm not sure if they did anything other than distract me with nice smells, but i appreciated the nice smells.

she gave brennen instructions for what he could do to help:

• letting me hold his neck while i rocked back and forth
• pressure points to push while i was contracting
• pouring water on my back while i was in the tub

during the last few minutes of my labor when i was really losing happiness and hope that my son would ever actually come and i was approaching despair; she listened to me, validated me, and then immediately told me that i either could do it, or that i just would do it anyway. that proved very helpful.

she helped validate "my" decision to have the doctor break my water. since i did want to have an entirely "natural" labor, a little part of me (in that moment) felt that having that sort of assistance was cheating. i remember asking claire "is that okay?" after she proposed the idea to me. just getting her stamp of approval helped me move forward. looking back, i realize that thinking this was cheating is actually pretty silly, but in the moment, it was important to me!

like i said, she did try to use hypno birthing scripts, but realized that wasn't working for me.

from start to finish she coached me in relaxing my muscles. there was an immediate difference in how my body started moving rhys down and out as i relaxed the muscles around my uterus. she would also queue me to relax my forehead or other muscles she could see me tensing.

she also had brennen help her with something called the rebozo technique to help rhys move from being posterior. shortly after this, i delivered him. but it was really uncomfortable. here is a link to show you what this technique is:

http://www.birthingnaturally.net/cn/tool/rebozo.html

my initial instinct that i would want some calming and in control and that claire would be able to provide that for me was 100% spot on. as i grew impatient at the end of labor and vocalized how i didn't like doing what i was doing, and that i was done, and that i was impatient, and that i wanted me son to come right now, claire always had the right thing to say to get me back on track.

as i've said before, i think i could have done it without claire, but it was much more positive with her, and i'm positive that her coaching me to relax helped move things forward. i'm so grateful that she was there.

rhys's birthday - brennen's part

brennen was so impressive that i decided not to include him much in my earlier posts, but dedicate an entire post to just him.


pregnancy

unfortunately, due to his absolutely terrible school schedule (sometimes staying on campus all night long to study) and my pride at accepting help, he didn't actually do much during my pregnancy. when he was home, he would have done more, but i often turned down his help. i had a relatively easy pregnancy, and i felt like accepting help was somehow a lie saying that my pregnancy knocked me down and i NEEDED help, which i didn't NEED. someday, i'll learn to accept help just because people love me and want to, but that day didn't happen when i was pregnant!

because he was gone so much, i was actually nervous for him to be at the birth. (i'm a weirdo...) i took classes, made birth plans, wrote out to-do lists (one even for brennen, but he never read it!), did extensive research on pretty much every pregnancy/parenting issue; none of which brennen was able to participate in. this made me feel like we weren't on the same page and that he would be better off in a corner instead of participating when i went into labor.

i repeat... i'm a weirdo and was terribly wrong!


early labor

when i first started having contractions (while taking a bath at home), brennen noticed something was wrong, but he didn't think it was like it was the day before. unfortunately, he knows he has a very prideful wife and that he wasn't going to be able to convince me of anything. he kept asking how i was, all through the bath, through the drive to our friends' house, and even while at our friends' house.

after i finally realized that i should be taking these contractions seriously and announced to brennen and our friends that i needed to go home that very minute, the smile on brennen's face was one of the happiest i'd ever seen. even that smile seemed so supportive to me.

he walked me to the car and got my door, which he always does, but it felt slightly more caring! as we were driving home, he let me dictate the radio station we listened to. he told jokes and made me laugh. he was just so happy.

when we got home, he filled the tub so that i could be comfortable. too bad we were both wrong in thinking that being in water would make me comfortable! during that time, he also texted and called the doula and kept her updated. he also called the midwife and the clinic the midwife works from, and their emergency line, and he did everything that he and i could think of to try to get a hold of her.

he kept trying to joke with me, but somewhere at this time, i lost my sense of humor. he noticed and stopped joking with me.

he was very good about running around trying to get the last minute things ready. before i got in the tub, i was doing some of this myself, as i knew what was missing from our hospital bags and had been prepping my head on the way home to know what to get. he put together a bunch of wonderful snacks for me to eat while i was at the hospital. i feel bad that i didn't eat them, because he did such a great job!

he got extra pillows, he put the car seat in the car, took all of our stuff out to the car; etc.

one of the cutest things he did was go to the closet to try to pick out an outfit for me to wear to the hospital! i really appreciated that, even though i had already determined what i was going to wear.

i used an ipad app to time contractions. he did a good job of pressing start and stop when he was on duty. we had to take turns depending on what was happening.

he gave me a beautiful blessing before we went to the hospital, and then we were on our way. the ride went well. i think Heavenly Father decided to bless that trip, because my contractions were actually further apart than they had been (which also scared me back into thinking that i was having braxton hicks and was going to get sent home..). having contractions while sitting in the car was not a fun experience! anyway, brennen did a great job trying to minimize the bumps as we traveled. he was also appropriately upset at the number of stop signs on the way to the hospital!


labor at the hospital

we pulled up to the hospital, and we left the vehicle right outside the front door (with permission from security) while we went to get me checked in.

a few generals:

i know that throughout the process he handled all the paperwork, which was beyond nice. i'm pretty sure i wouldn't have been able to even read after a while!

he was very present for me. he was holding my hands (or as close as he could, since the nurses messed my hands up with the iv access), kissing me gently, telling me he was proud of me and that i could do it. i told him throughout my entire pregnancy that he could leave to eat if he needed or he could take a nap without me getting upset. he didn't take me up on my offer.

after i got in the room and robed up, brennen went back to park the car and bring our stuff in.

shortly after he got back from the car, the doula arrived. at that point, i was on my feet rocking side to side during contractions. she had me hold on to brennen's neck as he held on to my sides. it was basically me in an ugly dress at a jr high dance! he was such a good sport always doing what the doula said.

one particularly wonderful memory of brennen happened when i was in the tub and the lady in the room next to me was screaming bloody murder. i asked for him to get my speaker and play me some music. he played the most awesome playlist. i only remember "1000 years" by christina perry, though. i wish i remembered more. i think he played howie day's "collide," as that's the song we danced to at our wedding, and i think he played some dashboard confessional. i just know that we sang in harmony during "1000 years." brennen's voice was the most beautiful to me at that time. (i did take a singing break in the middle of the song while having a contraction, though!) i will probably associate that song with the birth of my son for the rest of my life. (most likely because i'll probably make a slide show of pictures and that will be the song!) for real, though, that was beyond a special moment. in fact, it felt sacred. i was the most at peace during that time.

i recently spoke with my doula. i don't remember this, but i guess brennen also poured water over my back while i was in the tub. again, i don't remember this, but it sounds like something really nice!!

as i mentioned before, i was very vocal throughout my labor as it helped me breathe and focus. (brennen will attest to the fact that it wasn't an out of control yelling vocal, just a low pitched focused moan type thing, if you will.) this made my throat so sore. after i got out of the tub, the doula gave me a gatorade. brennen would just magically show up with the gatorade in hand and make me drink through a straw. i couldn't ask for it myself, so it was awesome how attentive he was. that gatorade was a life saver.

so there weren't too many specifics for how he helped during the labor at the hospital, but i knew that he was there for me, and that in and of itself was so helpful. if you know anything about the love languages, i'm a "words of affirmation" person and a "physical touch" person, so every time he told me that he loved me or was proud of me, or held my hand, or rubbed my back, it was very motivating and very powerful for me.


post partum

there wasn't much for him to do support wise after little rhys came, but since he's come, brennen has been very willing to help. he loves his son very much. he holds him, and changes him, and teaches rhys's mother how to do things! (ha ha... i had no idea how to put clothes on or take clothes off of a newborn, or how to change a diaper)

again, my pre-labor thoughts that brennen wouldn't be useful at all during labor were very very wrong. i am so grateful that i married that man i married. i'm so grateful that it's his son that i was able to carry and bring into the world. i'm so glad that we are parents together and that we will be the team raising our children. i couldn't ask for a better partner.

rhys's birthday - post delivery and recovery

the first post in the "rhys's birthday" series only told about my labor and delivery. now i want to talk about my hospital stay.

if you didn't already get this from my first post, i like to be open about how things are. also, i think biology is fascinating. unfortunately, not much about becoming a mom is glamorous. i think it's a shame that we don't share more of our experiences so that we don't feel gross or weird when things happen to us.

if i hadn't had a really good friend explain in detail what i should expect for pregnancy, labor, delivery, and recovery, i think i would have thought i was dying on several occasions. was i dying? nope, i was going through the same stuff that almost every other woman who has ever given birth has gone through.

also... i worked really hard to have the right to share this part of the story! i endured 39 weeks of pregnancy (although, i know it was a relatively easy pregnancy compared to some women), i labored, and i delivered a child.

alright then, here we go!



still in the labor and delivery room

after rhys was born, i asked for him to be put skin to skin and to take all measurements while he lay on my chest. this was an absolutely beautiful time for me and my son. i loved feeling his warmth and hearing his VERY large cry! (it's not quite as refreshing now!) they blotted my boy off as much as they could and covered us with a warm blanket. his APGAR scores were 8 (1 minute) and 9 (5 minute).

there are a few things that happened in the next few minutes that, in hind sight, i'm a little bit bummed about. i was so excited about my son being here, so relieved that labor was over, exhausted and weak from such a long night that i wasn't in my fully alert mind.

i heard the doctor say something about getting my son more blood. i wasn't really paying attention. then brennen cut the cord. what i realize now, is that my wish to delay cord clamping wasn't honored. i think the doctor may have milked the cord (given his comment about getting my boy more blood) but i'm not sure. i'm really bothered by not knowing what happened.

i remembered hearing tales of how delivering the placenta was really painful, too, but i didn't feel a thing. right after rhys was delivered, they gave me a shot of pitocin to speed the delivery of the placenta and stimulate the uterus to start contracting down to it's regular non pregnant size. i would say "luckily" i had an iv access in my hand so that the injection wasn't done with a needle, but as i write this post over a week later while looking at two GINORMOUS bruises (one on the back of my left hand, and one on the wrist of my right hand) from the iv access insert gone wrong and remembering how painful it was for the nurse to literally play with my veins (more painful than the contractions) and remembering how i couldn't use my hands for anything during labor because of how bad they hurt... well, i don't think overall it was lucky that they could use that stupid iv access point to give me a shot of pitocin, but, that's where i got the shot all the same!

back on track... i didn't feel a thing when the placenta was delivered. it came 4 minutes after rhys did. this is when another thing happened that i'm bummed about. my doula knew how much i love biology and asked the doctor to show it to me before he did whatever it was that he was going to do with it. he showed it to me, and i did think it was interesting. it was a lot different than what i expected. i now know why my first trimester was so tiring...

its a literal ORGAN. i grew an entire ORGAN in a few weeks. i was expecting a lining like a plastic ziplock bag or something, not a big thick organ. anyway, i was more enamored with my son than with the placenta (rightfully so!) so i didn't spend much time looking at it, and i didn't have my glasses on. i'm bummed because i wish i would have asked them to give it to me. not to eat it (that grosses me out, i might be headed toward becoming a granola hippy, but i don't think eating my placenta is in my future), but to look at it, touch it, explore it. when do you get to play with one of your organs!?!? honestly, next time, i'm going to write it in my birth plan that i want to save the placenta. let them think i'm going to eat it, i'm going to analyze it... WITH SCIENCE!!  (<<college humor batman reference.) so i'm bummed that i didn't play with the placenta.

here came the next fun part. i had been told about this, too, but i wasn't prepared. the pressing down on the uterus to make all sorts of fun blood come out. oh. my. word... ha ha :) i thought i was done with things hurting. let me just say that i was glad this only happened 2 or 3 times throughout my time in the labor and delivery room.

around this time, i got to pick a little hat for his head to help keep him warm.

after about a half hour, my doula left. i will have a post dedicated to her and all that she did for me, but for now, i'll just say again that i am so grateful that she was a part of my team. i probably could have done it without her, but i know it wouldn't have been nearly as positive as it was.

i loved my recovery time in that room. i got to have rhys on me for about an hour and a half. after working so hard the entire night, it was calm and peaceful. my nurse and brennen were the only ones there for the most part. i wanted rhys to latch and start breastfeeding while i was doing skin to skin with him, but that didn't work out. the nurse tried to help, but he just didn't want to eat. she took him off of me after a while and put him on the scale.

that's when we found out that he was a little bit smaller than expected for his age (i.e. 39 weeks), so we needed to just keep an extra eye on his temperature.

now i got to have the pee test. :) getting out of the bed wasn't fun, but once i was standing, i was already walking just fine. i felt very blessed and very grateful for my body...

i was nervous for this test. i have had many running jokes with women about "post partum hoo haw care" and now it was my turn! i wish they would have told me about the magic of the squirt bottle before i actually went to the bathroom. going to the bathroom worked, but it burned! i thought the squirt bottle was for cleaning only, not for comfort, too. sure enough, later on i discovered that squirting WHILE going to the bathroom took the burn away. (again, you can choose to be grossed out that i shared this, but i'm for being open about things that i don't have be ashamed of!) then i got to sponge off with these warm soapy 1/8" thick sponge pads. there was more blood than i expected, but i was grateful that i didn't pass out like a friend of mine did during her "pee test."

armed with my ginormous pad and mesh panties, i was ready to be moved. if it wasn't entirely inappropriate i totally wanted to take a picture of myself in them. they are definitely ready for the victoria secret runway show!

they put me in a wheel chair. sitting down was a little tender!

i was in the best mood ever. lots of joking and smiles! at this point, i also got to eat some graham crackers. i had forgotten that i really like graham crackers!

they put rhys on my lap and started wheeling me to maternity. poor brennen looked like a pack mule! i got to carry the baby, but he had to carry ALL of our stuff!! it felt the same as if we were leaving a hotel. our stuff had gotten spread out everywhere, so we had to pack back up, check all the corners to make sure we hadn't left anything (i have a friend who lost the outfit that she went to the hospital in. for some reason, one of my main goals was to not lose my clothes! i know, i have great priorities!), and then roll on to the next phase of our life.


maternity ward

i felt like a queen as i was being wheeled to maternity! i know that i'm definitely not the first woman who has ever birthed a child, but i felt so proud of what had happened and so proud of my new little son, that i felt like i was having my own triumphant entry so to speak. i'm pretty sure i had a huge nerdy smile on my face as i was being wheeled down the hallway. gratefully, everyone on the way smiled back and waved and congratulated me and treated me like the queen i felt i was!

we got to my room about 7 in the morning. i was on an adrenaline high like none other. poor brennen was exhausted though. they had paperwork and procedures they wanted to go over with us. he tried to stay awake! they took my vitals, they took my boy's vitals. they pushed on my uterus again. apparently, maternity nurses just want to check how your uterus is doing instead of pushing all the blood in your body out of you. they didn't hurt when they pushed, and for that i was grateful! i also got checked for hemorrhoids. (for the record, all was well in that area!) it made sense that a lady could have some issues with that post delivery, but i had never thought about that before.

i had to go to the bathroom again. after this trip, i learned even MORE about post delivery hoo haw care. i got numbing spray, witch hazel pads, and an ice pack (which was a latex glove filled with ice and covered in some sort of special paper towel. it was always fun shoving a "hand" into my underwear!) the ice pack was brilliant, though! although it technically made sitting straight up and down impossible, i didn't need to sit straight up, so it was okay.

after this the nurse made the couch into a bed for brennen. she even made it with sheets and blanket. she told us she would be on her way, and that we could rest.

brennen just waiting for people to leave so he could sleep officially!

rhys roomed in with us. we never sent him to the nursery. in fact, he never left mine or brennen's sight. one of us went with him wherever he went. the hospital was very accommodating to my paranoid wants!

i came back from somewhere and brennen was konked out! he slept from about 7:30 to noon.

there were a few things that the hospital was concerned about. his temperature was a little low, so we put some more blankets on him. they also had to check his blood sugar every 6 hours because of my gestational diabetes. luckily, his sugars were always on track!

while the boys were sleeping, i ordered room service. i liked ordering room service. i'm not sure why, but it made me feel spa like. (clearly, i don't get out much!) i was so excited for my first breakfast, because i didn't have to care about my blood sugar levels anymore! the funny thing was... i still ordered what i would have ordered if i was caring about my blood sugars:  a cheese omlette and bacon. i LOVE bacon!

i also got an intermountain healthcare water jug. i'm calling it my $1000 jug, as it wasn't exactly free (though i'm not exactly how much the hospital bill after insurance will be) but i still liked that i got a little something. a water jug for the queen, ya know!? :)

sunday afternoon the nurses came to take rhys for his first bath. i can't remember why, but they were waiting for him to eat first before they took him away. they asked me all the time if he had eaten yet. i had tried over and over, but he wasn't interested for the longest time. then... the nurses got involved and i entered the era of everyone touching my ladies! and i was trying so often to feed him, that i think everyone in the hospital got to view my ladies! people would knock and i'd just tell everyone to come in. even the IT guy came in! ha ha :) luckily, i was actually covered at that point!

i don't remember the first time he ate (so sad... it was just a little over a week ago!), but he must have eaten because he went to take his bath. brennen went with him while i took a shower. that shower was one of my best moments. i definitely needed it! i think i showered at about 3 in the afternoon. i still hadn't slept. i had so much energy and adrenaline coursing through me.

this was after my shower and his bath. the fauxhawk was done by the cna who bathed him!

brennen's hand as a reference for how small rhys is!

our friends bought us a photography session with bella baby photography. those pictures turned out so great! the girl actually made a special trip back to the hospital so that we could take pictures after rhys had a bath and i could have a shower.

rhys did scare me a little bit at 4 o'clock in the morning on monday. he spat up and started choking a little bit. i have no idea how my body moved so fast, because my abs weren't working yet and (as i have previously mentioned) i had an ice pack the size of a fist between my legs, which doesn't encourage quick movement! i moved lightning quick (for my situation) and got him turned to his side. then i called the nurse to have him check his lungs. she came very quickly (thank goodness) and his lungs were fine. he just had some stuff in his throat. unfortunately, we had to check his blood sugars again.

the nurse and i walked down to the nursery and she took his sugars. his poor heel had been poked so many times, i didn't love that. he cried a little bit, but that actually got the stuff out of his throat, so it was good.

brennen slept through the entire thing. if there is one thing being a mother has taught me, it's that brennen is a really good sleeper! hopefully i'll never be away from my son at night time, cuz i don't think brennen would wake up!

the rest of the stay was relatively uneventful. brennen got a free meal. he also got a blow pop with a note that said "congratulations, pop!" i thought it was cute! we had a few visitors, but we actually asked to be left alone for a while so we could enjoy our time together and so we could rest. too bad i couldn't actually rest!

monday morning, they took blood for his bilirubin test (which is for jaundice.) rhys didn't like getting pricked yet another time and he didn't like the lady squeezing blood out of his foot. he wailed and i tried really hard to hold back tears myself. turns out that his bilirubin levels were higher than they wanted. they told us we had to get a lab done on wednesday and no later than wednesday. this posed an interesting and stressful wednesday for us, but that's a story for another post. at this point, we didn't have to do anything about it by try to get as much breastmilk into the little guy as possible.

my mom got to the hospital late monday morning. we slowly got ready to leave. we had to eat our late breakfast, pack up the room, fill out paperwork, and get rhys ready to go. not to mention take a billion more pictures!

this is the shirt that brennen came home from the hospital in. a.v. stands for alta view. a different hospital in the valley. i thought it was funny leaving lds hospital in a shirt that said "i heart alta view"!

brennen getting rhys ready in his car seat

he's so little!!!

he took to the car seat very well. we've been in a few times since and so far he's always done well!

the ride home went really well. that's when it really hit me that our lives have been changed forever, and they have been changed in the best way possible. brennen was actually driving sanely! it was fun to look in the back seat and see his car seat and look at his face in the mirror we have back there. it became very real to me, and i almost started to cry. i'm embarrassed about crying, though, so i stopped it, but that didn't stop my happiness that our son has joined our lives and that he'll be in them forever. brennen and i are officially parents. we have a beautiful son. we had a wonderful experience bringing him into this world. and we look forward to our future as we see the little guy grow and develop.

i can wait for all of that to happen, though. he's only 8 days old today, and i'm already sad about the "long gone" days of him being just hours old! ha ha :)


recovery at home

just a few last notes about recovery. first of all, the human body is amazing. second of all, i recognize that not everyone's experience is like mine. third of all, i'm REALLY REALLY grateful for my experience.

• 8 days after his birth, it's still a little tender to stand up or sit down
• i haven't been taking any pain meds since day 3
• i graduated from the ginormous hospital pads and mesh panties on day 3 and started using overnight pads
• i considered getting depends actually (many mothers have done this) but i felt it might be overkill. it would have been. but had it not been overkill, i think there is no problem with women getting depends after delivering a child
• i graduated from overnight pads to panty liners at the end of day 6
• walking has not been a problem since the beginning
• i stopped using ice packs and witch hazel after the hospital
• i did buy numbing spray and used that through day 4

all that being said... recovering from birth is going really really well and i'm very grateful! nursing, however, is definitely still on the downward slope of comfort! that might make another post on another day, but we won't discuss that here.

so that's my part about our postpartum hospital experience and my recovery up to today.

rhys's birthday - the beginning

so.... i'm a mom!! 

i have SOO many things i wish to share/document. there is no way i'm going to be able to fit all the feelings in my heart or details in my brain in one post! so even though this incredibly long piece of work might feel like it contains all and that there couldn't possibly be anything more for me to say, that's not true! i have drafts begun of several other parts of rhys's delivery that "rhys's birthday" is going to be more of a series than 1 post.

again, this is a little place for me, and i get to do what i want! ha ha :) i hope people read and enjoy, but if i'm the only one who cares, that's okay, too.

i actually do enjoy reading birth stories of other children, so maybe a few of you people in the world will actually enjoy this. to you, i say.... buckle up, this is a long post!

(there is a summary at the end, if you'd rather read that instead!)

friday, may 16th

my midwife had told me at the beginning of may that she expected i would go into june before i delivered, even though my official estimated due date was the 25th. this coincided with a feeling that i had when i was first pregnant, so it seemed like a good plan to me!

brennen and i went in for a growth ultrasound on my little boy on friday afternoon. (i had gestational diabetes, so they wanted  to make sure the little guy was growing okay..) the ultrasound showed enough amniotic fluid, but less than average. something about that put me on edge and i worried about going longer than expected.

when brennen and i got home around 2:30, i didn't feel well, so i laid down to try to get over it. i ended up going back to work at about 4:00. i realized around 6 (when i felt better) that i had been having braxton hicks. i stayed at work until 7 getting everything caught up. even though i fully expected to go into june before delivering, i felt this large desire to make sure that if i went into labor over the weekend that my team would be prepared with everything they needed to cover for me. good thing i accomplished my task!

saturday, may 17th

wow... what a day this was!!

i woke up around 8 with a get-things-done attitude. i still wasn't ready for my son to arrive and since i work every day, i decided that i need to get my stuff in gear immediately. i got my hospital bag almost packed, brennen's bag packed, made a list of last minute items that needed to be purchased, cleaned my house, did laundry, and got in the tub for my weekly leg shave (oh yeah... i somehow accomplished that until the end!)

the bath started around 3. i started to have contractions, but i thought they were braxton hicks. after all, i wasn't going to deliver until june AND i wasn't ready. i still had items to purchase, clothes to wash and sort, things to put away, a baby room to put together, etc...

because i "didn't feel good," my bath lasted longer than expected. we had plans to visit friends to do some sewing projects that i needed done before my little guy came. i wanted to go to target first to pick up some much needed things (like newborn diapers!), but by the time i was ready to leave, it was too late to go to target, so i resolved to stop by on the way home if we left on time.

i was still contracting, but blaming it on braxton hicks. i would not be the woman who went to the hospital only to get sent home with a false alarm!

when we got to their house around 5:30, i was getting pretty uncomfortable, but the braxton hicks the day before were also uncomfortable and pretty regular, so i still wasn't convinced i was in labor. brennen had a good idea that i was, but he knew i was being prideful and just let me go with it. on the drive, he kept asking me if i was okay. considering i wasn't dying, i felt the correct answer was that i was!

we baked some pizza and began eating. about every 4 minutes i would pretend that nothing was wrong, put my pizza down, lower my arms to the seat of the chair, and push myself up to relieve some pressure. still... i believed i was having braxton hicks.

finally, i went to the bathroom and saw some signs of labor. i was still sort of in denial, but i was willing to open myself up to the possibility that my son might be coming. i felt really really ridiculous, but i told my friends that there was a possibility that this was the "real deal." if it was, i told them i'd rather be closer to the hospital and that brennen and i should leave.... right now.

that was at 7:30, after 4 and a half hours of denial... (but i still wasn't convinced, i was just open to the possibility..)

on the drive home, i texted my doula and my midwife, but i didn't hear back from either of them. i figured it was okay, cuz i might not have been in labor. (do you see a pattern?!) i called my mom and told her that it may be nothing, but either way, it might not hurt to pack... (you should hear her part of the story from this point. i think it's kind of funny!)

aside from the day we got married, i don't think i've ever seen brennen so happy and excited! we were in good humour on the way home. i was very uncomfortable during contractions, but between was fine and we kept ourselves happily entertained with jokes and singing to the radio.

we got home around 8. i went into panic mode because the bags weren't ready and if i was going to go into labor, i still didn't have a lot of stuff done. the contractions started to feel pretty strong. i started using vocal breathing techniques to get through them. (little did i know what a real hard contraction felt like!) i got everything packed as much as i could.

we finally got a hold of my doula, but we weren't able to contact my midwife. we called the emergency number at the gynecology clinic. we talked to the o.b. who works there, but she pretty much told brennen that we were on our own and she wasn't going to help. (not my favorite part of this experience, for sure.)

i labored in the tub for a while, but it didn't help me like i was expecting it to. the only position i felt really good in was child's pose or being on my hands and knees.

eventually i felt like we should go to the hospital. we called my doula and she agreed. i didn't have my midwife, so whoever the on-call doctor at the hospital was was going to have to do. the doula was going to meet us at the hospital.

my contractions were getting pretty strong, and i'd lost all sense of humour by this point. i wasn't angry, grumpy, upset, or anything negative, just really focused on what was happening.

we got to the hospital around 11. i was dilated to 4 cm. i was so nervous that they were going to send me home and say i wasn't ready yet, but that wasn't the case. i was put in a gown and had monitors strapped on to me. oh how i learned to abhor those nasty little monitors. i know they served a good purpose, but when your insides feel like they are going to explode out, but you're strapped in to the explosion... it's just not pleasant! i had the monitors on several times, but not continuously. i politely whined every time and kept asking how much longer i needed to have them on!

the doula (claire) showed up only a few minutes after we did. she was amazing. there is no way i could have done what i did without her. i might have been able to do something close, but not in the same positive way.

sunday, may 18th

i'm not sure exactly when sunday began, but most of this would fall under the sunday category!

i labored again in the tub for a while. while there we heard this lady next door SCREAMING bloody murder. in truth, i thought that scream was the stuff of movies only and not real life. i asked brennen to get the speaker from my bag and play some music. he played such a great playlist. i was surprised (though i'm not sure why!) that he was able to peg my needs and mood at that time.

eventually, i was dilated to 10 cm, but my water had not yet broken. i got out of the tub and went back to the bed where the doctor broke my water. (that's a fun place and way to meet someone, by the way!)

this is where it got really really hard for me. i started getting emotionally worn out. saying i was uncomfortable is a huge understatement. (that being said, nothing ever registered as "pain" for me. but that's not to say that i didn't say "ow" a few time during contractions, so it did hurt... a lot.) i was over it. the process needed to be done. my boy needed to come.

not to mention that there was no buffer layer of water anymore, so the contractions were really really hard.

unfortunately, he still wasn't rotated in the correct position. claire put me on the bed in this terrible almost on my belly position, and would push hard on my hips during the contraction to try to force the little guy to move. as this wasn't working, she opted to do the most terrible thing that i'd ever been through. i'm not sure the name of the procedure, but essentially she stood on one side of me, brennen on the other, while i was on all fours. with a table runner like piece of material tucked enter my belly, they would "saw" the cloth back and forth on my hanging belly with fast sharp movements while i was contracting. this almost made me cry, and it made me say "ow" a few times.

he must have turned, i'm not really sure. my mind was almost gone by this point.

a few minutes after this, i started to push. for the record, nothing can prepare a woman for this. saying that giving birth is like having the biggest poop of your life is also the most ginormous understatement i've ever heard.

the doctor was amazing. my doula was amazing. and the nurse was amazing. they were all encouraging, and coaching, and helping. the doctor rubbed coconut oil on my insides and on my little guy's head. he also helped stretch tissues before the baby started coming. (i wasn't expecting that, by the way, and that was a rather shocking feeling!)

for those of you who are interested (which means probably no one but me, but i'm typing it anyway!) i delivered with the bed turned into a weird chair position, so was kind of sitting, but my feet were up on the squat bar. i think my doula wanted me to deliver holding myself in a squat and using the squat bar to hold myself up, but i didn't have the strength, so i got to sit.

the nurse kept saying "push the baby straight up to the ceiling." oddly enough, it was the perfect queue! i also learned that at this point, you can push even if you're not contracting. kind of weird, but i didn't know that before, and i kept stopping when the contraction was over. the push that actually delivered my son was when i was told to keep pushing even after the contraction was over.

my eyes were closed, and i didn't know that he had come out. all 3 professionals kept telling me to open my eyes, but i had a hard time doing so, for some reason i thought i wasn't done, and i wasn't going to open my eyes until i was done!

when i opened my eyes at 4:15 sunday morning, i saw the most beautiful slimy little boy in the world.

"thank goodness he looks like brennen. give him to me," 

said one very very tired, but needing mother! i'll go more into the post-partum in another post, but i want to say the moment i became an official mother was beyond anything i could describe. it was a mixture of not being able to feel anything as labor was hard and knocked me down and surprise that my little guy was actually here and pride that i was able to deliver in tact with 0 meds and so much motherly instinct to protect and care for and nurture this little thing on top of me. i couldn't stop staring and kissing the top of his head. i loved him instantly. there are pictures of me with him right then in that moment. they are kind of embarrassing actually because i look dead! ha ha :) i don't look like a doting mother, but in fact, i was!

wrap up

so to summarize...

• labor started at 3:00 saturday afteroon
• i was in full denial until 7:30 saturday evening 
• i decided for sure that i was in labor about 10:30 saturday night
• we got to the hospital at 11:00 saturday night
• they broke my water at a little after 3:00 sunday morning
• he was born after 13+ hours of labor at 4:15 sunday morning
• he was 6 pounds 7 ounces, 19 inches
• i delivered naturally, with no drugs or assistance except for the doctor breaking my water
• i did not tear
• by the time i saw my son, his head already back to normal. it wasn't all deformed from being born!

here are a few pictures of him right after he was born...

my boy with his cute little hospital cap being weighed. this is probably at like 5:30 in the morning. i had him skin to skin for over an hour.

here is one proud papa!! my two favorite boys in the world! (as an unimportant side note, i think it's funny that brennen was wearing his crossfit shirt, because the regional crossfit competitions are happening right now and i was actually watching the central east crossfit region on my ipad when i started going into labor in the tub!)

this is my doula, claire. i couldnt have done it without her. this is skin to skin time with my boy right after he was born. i recognize it's not the prettiest i've ever looked in my life, but that's entirely irrelevant!