rhys's birthday - the beginning

so.... i'm a mom!! 

i have SOO many things i wish to share/document. there is no way i'm going to be able to fit all the feelings in my heart or details in my brain in one post! so even though this incredibly long piece of work might feel like it contains all and that there couldn't possibly be anything more for me to say, that's not true! i have drafts begun of several other parts of rhys's delivery that "rhys's birthday" is going to be more of a series than 1 post.

again, this is a little place for me, and i get to do what i want! ha ha :) i hope people read and enjoy, but if i'm the only one who cares, that's okay, too.

i actually do enjoy reading birth stories of other children, so maybe a few of you people in the world will actually enjoy this. to you, i say.... buckle up, this is a long post!

(there is a summary at the end, if you'd rather read that instead!)

friday, may 16th

my midwife had told me at the beginning of may that she expected i would go into june before i delivered, even though my official estimated due date was the 25th. this coincided with a feeling that i had when i was first pregnant, so it seemed like a good plan to me!

brennen and i went in for a growth ultrasound on my little boy on friday afternoon. (i had gestational diabetes, so they wanted  to make sure the little guy was growing okay..) the ultrasound showed enough amniotic fluid, but less than average. something about that put me on edge and i worried about going longer than expected.

when brennen and i got home around 2:30, i didn't feel well, so i laid down to try to get over it. i ended up going back to work at about 4:00. i realized around 6 (when i felt better) that i had been having braxton hicks. i stayed at work until 7 getting everything caught up. even though i fully expected to go into june before delivering, i felt this large desire to make sure that if i went into labor over the weekend that my team would be prepared with everything they needed to cover for me. good thing i accomplished my task!

saturday, may 17th

wow... what a day this was!!

i woke up around 8 with a get-things-done attitude. i still wasn't ready for my son to arrive and since i work every day, i decided that i need to get my stuff in gear immediately. i got my hospital bag almost packed, brennen's bag packed, made a list of last minute items that needed to be purchased, cleaned my house, did laundry, and got in the tub for my weekly leg shave (oh yeah... i somehow accomplished that until the end!)

the bath started around 3. i started to have contractions, but i thought they were braxton hicks. after all, i wasn't going to deliver until june AND i wasn't ready. i still had items to purchase, clothes to wash and sort, things to put away, a baby room to put together, etc...

because i "didn't feel good," my bath lasted longer than expected. we had plans to visit friends to do some sewing projects that i needed done before my little guy came. i wanted to go to target first to pick up some much needed things (like newborn diapers!), but by the time i was ready to leave, it was too late to go to target, so i resolved to stop by on the way home if we left on time.

i was still contracting, but blaming it on braxton hicks. i would not be the woman who went to the hospital only to get sent home with a false alarm!

when we got to their house around 5:30, i was getting pretty uncomfortable, but the braxton hicks the day before were also uncomfortable and pretty regular, so i still wasn't convinced i was in labor. brennen had a good idea that i was, but he knew i was being prideful and just let me go with it. on the drive, he kept asking me if i was okay. considering i wasn't dying, i felt the correct answer was that i was!

we baked some pizza and began eating. about every 4 minutes i would pretend that nothing was wrong, put my pizza down, lower my arms to the seat of the chair, and push myself up to relieve some pressure. still... i believed i was having braxton hicks.

finally, i went to the bathroom and saw some signs of labor. i was still sort of in denial, but i was willing to open myself up to the possibility that my son might be coming. i felt really really ridiculous, but i told my friends that there was a possibility that this was the "real deal." if it was, i told them i'd rather be closer to the hospital and that brennen and i should leave.... right now.

that was at 7:30, after 4 and a half hours of denial... (but i still wasn't convinced, i was just open to the possibility..)

on the drive home, i texted my doula and my midwife, but i didn't hear back from either of them. i figured it was okay, cuz i might not have been in labor. (do you see a pattern?!) i called my mom and told her that it may be nothing, but either way, it might not hurt to pack... (you should hear her part of the story from this point. i think it's kind of funny!)

aside from the day we got married, i don't think i've ever seen brennen so happy and excited! we were in good humour on the way home. i was very uncomfortable during contractions, but between was fine and we kept ourselves happily entertained with jokes and singing to the radio.

we got home around 8. i went into panic mode because the bags weren't ready and if i was going to go into labor, i still didn't have a lot of stuff done. the contractions started to feel pretty strong. i started using vocal breathing techniques to get through them. (little did i know what a real hard contraction felt like!) i got everything packed as much as i could.

we finally got a hold of my doula, but we weren't able to contact my midwife. we called the emergency number at the gynecology clinic. we talked to the o.b. who works there, but she pretty much told brennen that we were on our own and she wasn't going to help. (not my favorite part of this experience, for sure.)

i labored in the tub for a while, but it didn't help me like i was expecting it to. the only position i felt really good in was child's pose or being on my hands and knees.

eventually i felt like we should go to the hospital. we called my doula and she agreed. i didn't have my midwife, so whoever the on-call doctor at the hospital was was going to have to do. the doula was going to meet us at the hospital.

my contractions were getting pretty strong, and i'd lost all sense of humour by this point. i wasn't angry, grumpy, upset, or anything negative, just really focused on what was happening.

we got to the hospital around 11. i was dilated to 4 cm. i was so nervous that they were going to send me home and say i wasn't ready yet, but that wasn't the case. i was put in a gown and had monitors strapped on to me. oh how i learned to abhor those nasty little monitors. i know they served a good purpose, but when your insides feel like they are going to explode out, but you're strapped in to the explosion... it's just not pleasant! i had the monitors on several times, but not continuously. i politely whined every time and kept asking how much longer i needed to have them on!

the doula (claire) showed up only a few minutes after we did. she was amazing. there is no way i could have done what i did without her. i might have been able to do something close, but not in the same positive way.

sunday, may 18th

i'm not sure exactly when sunday began, but most of this would fall under the sunday category!

i labored again in the tub for a while. while there we heard this lady next door SCREAMING bloody murder. in truth, i thought that scream was the stuff of movies only and not real life. i asked brennen to get the speaker from my bag and play some music. he played such a great playlist. i was surprised (though i'm not sure why!) that he was able to peg my needs and mood at that time.

eventually, i was dilated to 10 cm, but my water had not yet broken. i got out of the tub and went back to the bed where the doctor broke my water. (that's a fun place and way to meet someone, by the way!)

this is where it got really really hard for me. i started getting emotionally worn out. saying i was uncomfortable is a huge understatement. (that being said, nothing ever registered as "pain" for me. but that's not to say that i didn't say "ow" a few time during contractions, so it did hurt... a lot.) i was over it. the process needed to be done. my boy needed to come.

not to mention that there was no buffer layer of water anymore, so the contractions were really really hard.

unfortunately, he still wasn't rotated in the correct position. claire put me on the bed in this terrible almost on my belly position, and would push hard on my hips during the contraction to try to force the little guy to move. as this wasn't working, she opted to do the most terrible thing that i'd ever been through. i'm not sure the name of the procedure, but essentially she stood on one side of me, brennen on the other, while i was on all fours. with a table runner like piece of material tucked enter my belly, they would "saw" the cloth back and forth on my hanging belly with fast sharp movements while i was contracting. this almost made me cry, and it made me say "ow" a few times.

he must have turned, i'm not really sure. my mind was almost gone by this point.

a few minutes after this, i started to push. for the record, nothing can prepare a woman for this. saying that giving birth is like having the biggest poop of your life is also the most ginormous understatement i've ever heard.

the doctor was amazing. my doula was amazing. and the nurse was amazing. they were all encouraging, and coaching, and helping. the doctor rubbed coconut oil on my insides and on my little guy's head. he also helped stretch tissues before the baby started coming. (i wasn't expecting that, by the way, and that was a rather shocking feeling!)

for those of you who are interested (which means probably no one but me, but i'm typing it anyway!) i delivered with the bed turned into a weird chair position, so was kind of sitting, but my feet were up on the squat bar. i think my doula wanted me to deliver holding myself in a squat and using the squat bar to hold myself up, but i didn't have the strength, so i got to sit.

the nurse kept saying "push the baby straight up to the ceiling." oddly enough, it was the perfect queue! i also learned that at this point, you can push even if you're not contracting. kind of weird, but i didn't know that before, and i kept stopping when the contraction was over. the push that actually delivered my son was when i was told to keep pushing even after the contraction was over.

my eyes were closed, and i didn't know that he had come out. all 3 professionals kept telling me to open my eyes, but i had a hard time doing so, for some reason i thought i wasn't done, and i wasn't going to open my eyes until i was done!

when i opened my eyes at 4:15 sunday morning, i saw the most beautiful slimy little boy in the world.

"thank goodness he looks like brennen. give him to me," 

said one very very tired, but needing mother! i'll go more into the post-partum in another post, but i want to say the moment i became an official mother was beyond anything i could describe. it was a mixture of not being able to feel anything as labor was hard and knocked me down and surprise that my little guy was actually here and pride that i was able to deliver in tact with 0 meds and so much motherly instinct to protect and care for and nurture this little thing on top of me. i couldn't stop staring and kissing the top of his head. i loved him instantly. there are pictures of me with him right then in that moment. they are kind of embarrassing actually because i look dead! ha ha :) i don't look like a doting mother, but in fact, i was!

wrap up

so to summarize...

• labor started at 3:00 saturday afteroon
• i was in full denial until 7:30 saturday evening 
• i decided for sure that i was in labor about 10:30 saturday night
• we got to the hospital at 11:00 saturday night
• they broke my water at a little after 3:00 sunday morning
• he was born after 13+ hours of labor at 4:15 sunday morning
• he was 6 pounds 7 ounces, 19 inches
• i delivered naturally, with no drugs or assistance except for the doctor breaking my water
• i did not tear
• by the time i saw my son, his head already back to normal. it wasn't all deformed from being born!

here are a few pictures of him right after he was born...

my boy with his cute little hospital cap being weighed. this is probably at like 5:30 in the morning. i had him skin to skin for over an hour.

here is one proud papa!! my two favorite boys in the world! (as an unimportant side note, i think it's funny that brennen was wearing his crossfit shirt, because the regional crossfit competitions are happening right now and i was actually watching the central east crossfit region on my ipad when i started going into labor in the tub!)

this is my doula, claire. i couldnt have done it without her. this is skin to skin time with my boy right after he was born. i recognize it's not the prettiest i've ever looked in my life, but that's entirely irrelevant!