facing fears in 2011

greetings all!!

recently i've been thinking a lot about what causes us as human beings, as children of a Heavenly Father, as good citizens in our communities, and just as good people in general to stay stagnant and not progress to being better human beings, better children of our Heavenly Father, better citizens in our communities, and better people in general.  i've come to the conclusion (both on my own and after some fantastic conversations with the hubbs) that one big reason for lack of progression is fear.

whoa now.... slow down.... hold on.... what the garbage am i talking about?  how can you be afraid to be better?  surely erika is a blabbing idiot...

well, maybe.  i certainly have my idiotic moments.  but hang on a second, hear me out, then ponder it for yourself.

as fallen men and women (or in other words, human beings who are capable of making mistakes) we have weaknesses, insecurities, and pride.  those traits often stop us from trying to overcome things that hinder us spiritually, emotionally, physically, or even from setting and attaining personal goals simple or complex.

let's look to me for a moment as an example.  most everyone who is reading this blog has known me since i was young.  even if you haven't known me for that long, you most likely know me well enough that when i tell you that i'm beginning to like the color pink, it will most likely be a shocker.  for the sake of shortening my blog, let's just simply say that i've pretty much walked the trails of tomboys and loved it...

WELL... as it turns out, i actually want to be a girly girl sometimes (without the high heels mind you, i still have my standards!! ;)  he he).  i want to have a nice figure that looks feminine and elegant in a beautiful dress.  i want to fix my hair really nice.  i want to put on makeup and look beautiful.

guess what.... i haven't done those things.  i don't know how to shop for beautiful clothes and dresses.  i don't know how to put on make-up.  i guess you could say i'm working on the nice figure, but truth be told, i can cover that up by saying (and truthfully so) that i wish to have my athlete's body and metabolism back.  alright, simple fix right?  i can study fashion online, or go shopping with girlfriends.  who's to say i can't go to several department stores in the mall pretending i need to buy makeup and have them teach me how to apply it.  (which i might end up purchasing some, you never know!)...

simple thing right?  WRONG!!!

i am terrified of failing.  i am terrified to try to do my hair fancy, and then mess up.  i'm embarrassed to go to the mall and admit that i'm an almost 27 year old who has no idea how to be use makeup and be pretty instead of looking like a clown.  again, i ask you not to judge me, especially since you ladies out there most likely do not share this same fear with me, but look at yourselves to see what fears you may have that's keeping you from progressing in some way.

it seems simple.  but i'm scared.  and it keeps me from progressing in some way.  now, i understand that wearing makeup and learning how to buy nicer clothes isn't something that is necessary for my salvation therefore it's hard to think about accomplishing this goal as "progressing," but indeed, i will be a stronger person if i learn to overcome this fear.

alright, perhaps a silly example (tho quite serious to me) i hope it perhaps helped you delve into your own life to think of things you are afraid of.

holy cow, another small novel of a post.  but, you all know me, and know that speaking with few words is not my forte.  you can always bookmark this page and come back later!

so now to what i believe is the EXCITING part!

i decided at the end of june to turn the rest of 2011 into the years of facing my fears.  i look at the situations and truthfully analyze whether my fear of the situation is justified or not.  that is important to realize.  i am afraid of driving too fast on icy roads.  valid fear.  i don't need to "face" it.  but sometimes i realize that my fear is not rational and that i can be a stronger person for confronting it.

i've had quite a few amazing experiences and a few funny ones as i've gone through this journey of facing my fear.  one i thought was particularly funny, so i took pictures!

one of my biggest fears is needles.  i didn't used to be afraid of them, but they make me anxious now.  in fact, brennen loves to pretend to give me shots with imaginary needles, and it freaks me out.

do you want to know what's worse than needles handled by health care professionals?  FLYING NEEDLES....  that's right, bees and wasps.  completely unpredictable flying terrors.  you never know what you're going to do to upset them.  they don't care about your comfort like the health care professionals.  when they sting you, you don't get a cool band aid to prove to everyone how brave you were to face such a situation.  you just get hurt.  for who knows how long?!?

one day a few weeks ago, i was working from home.  brennen was gone to work as usual so i was home alone.  which happens often, no big deal.  somehow a wasp showed up in our bathroom.  to this day i have NO idea how it got there.  but i FREAKED OUT.  oh my word.  it was terrible.  i slammed the one door to the bathroom shut.  ran around the apartment to the other door of the bathroom, heard the buzzing still in it, so i slammed that door shut.  luckily i didn't have to use the bathroom at the time, but i knew the moment would come sooner or later and that i would have to deal with this situation...

i texted brennen for support.  because someone needed to know that i was about to embark on a dangerous mission.  he showed the proper amount of sympathy and tried to give advice.  but i knew it was up to me to figure it out.

i started my fearful situation analyses...


is this something that i should be afraid of?

yes.  it could hurt me, so caution must be taken.  but, no, i will most likely not die or be seriously injured.

is this something that needs to be dealt with sooner rather than later?


yes, for obvious reasons....  (if the flying needle was in a room that i didn't need to access.  i totally would have left it for brennen to deal with!)

are there any ways lessen the danger?


absolutely!!  i need gear!!  i need protection!!  the danger of a wasp can be completely removed with an extra inch of clothing!

so, pictured below is what i recommend wearing when dealing with flying needles.  and it doesn't matter if your AC is broken and your house is 80 degrees.  (because it was that day.)

and this is what the gear looks like assembled.  you will notice that there is absolutely NO part of my body that could have possibly been injured in my dealings with the flying needle!

the story ends very anti-climatically, but luckily the ending is not the point.  i went back into the bathroom, full of confidence (and very very hot) and with a smile on my face i went after the flying needle to usher him from my apartment.  to this day, i do not know what happened, but the needle was gone.  no more buzzing.  i checked everywhere.  i couldn't find him.  it was a little unnerving because i obviously COULD NOT stay in my gear for very long.  to this day he hasn't surfaced again...

BUT.... hurray for me!!!  i tell you what.  i may have looked like an idiot but my cup of confidence was overflowing.  i was still a bit apprehensive to enter the bathroom without my gear, but i did it the rest of the day, and the next day.... and so on and so forth.

in all honesty, this experience strengthened me.  as well as many others as i've been facing my fears.  i will not let opportunities pass me by because of unnecessary fear.

most likely my next posts will be on this subject as well.  i have MANY thoughts about facing your fears.  suggestions. motivation.  better understanding of what we could be progressing in, but aren't because of silly fears.  i hope that those of you who do happen to read over this mini novel take it to heart and decide to rise up to the challenge of overcoming fears that are keeping us from being better people.  mind you both of my examples in this blog were silly and a bit superficial.  there are fears out there that keep us from doing very important things.  i'm working on those fears as well.  i gain strength by working on both the superficial and silly fears, as well as the more pressing fears that keep me from becoming a better child of God.

may you find the strength you need to face your fears.